GROWING TOGETHER : Ideas for Your Spiritual Formation Group

Every group has a goal. They may not recognize it, but they have one. Even groups that say they have no agenda but merely want to "go with the flow" have a goal. Goals are concerned with the outcome. When someone says, "What is on the agenda tonight?" what they are really asking is, "What are we going to do?" Groups need to have a common goal. But more than that, each member must agree on that goal and be willing to do whatever is needed to reach it. This is where much of the struggle begins.

Each Member Has Different Needs. Every member of the group comes with their own set of needs. There is a reason that each person has come.

Problems arise due to conflicting agendas. One person comes to the group needing support, another needs to be challenged, and still another wants inspiration. Three different things are being asked of the same group. Can the group bear the weight of all of these agendas? It can if the members are willing to do two things: one, communicate individual needs, and two, stay focused on the higher goal.

If each member is willing to be honest and share what he or she needs, then the group can work to meet those needs. The danger of hidden agendas can be faced and overcome, but it will require that all of the members know what is going on. And note this: if the members fail to communicate it directly, it will come out indirectly.

The Importance of Being Flexible. This is why it is important to be flexible. A good aim for any group is to have planned flexibility. Notice the word "planned". There needs to be a clear agenda, a clear purpose, and a clear sense of direction. But there also needs to be flexibility; a willingness to incorporate any immediate, individual needs into the agenda.

Task vs. Relationship. What we must always do is find that delicate balance between task and relationship. By task I mean working to accomplish a specific goal. Relationship has to do with people. It has to do with the way people relate to one another. Relationship is not concerned with doing; it is concerned with being.

Spiritual formation groups are both task and relationship groups. They have an objective task: to enable and equip the members of the group to live as people in whom Christ dwells. This task is accomplished by supporting, encouraging, and holding one anther accountable to grow in grace through the spiritual disciplines. They also have a subjective task: to create healthy relationships, to nurture an environment of trust and compassion. Every group is comprised of people who hunger for meaningful relationship.

Time Wasters. Task and relationship. Doing and being. Spiritual formation groups are functioning well if they find that balance. Staying on task is important. So is caring for people's needs. In fact, caring for people's needs is staying on task. Incorporating these needs into the life of the group doesn't impede the group's progress, but there are other things that do: time wasters.

Over and over I hear people complain about these time wasters. What are they? They are activities or discussions that throw the group off track, derailing any possibility of reaching the destination. A few examples: showing up late, gossip, back stabbing, idle chitchat, political opinions, unedited versions of stories, nit-picky theological debates, windy philosophical statements. None of these are terribly life threatening for any group, but they can become a bother, or at least a bore. More importantly, they have the effect of halting any progress and keeping a group from reaching its goals.

We often avoid the task at hand as a result of feeling uncomfortable. Recognizing this in each